Len Dykstra: Philosopher King

Who knew Len Dykstra was so tight with Charlie Sheen? Then again, is anyone really surprised?

John Clark of NBC10 interviewed Lenny D recently and the result was some of the most entertaining television since "Winter Wipeout." There are several clips to choose from, but you must watch all of them.

Here are some choice quotes from one of our favorite centerfielders:

On his dislike for the chumminess of players today: "No talking to the other team. We're going to go into their yard, take their money and f*ck their women. That's what we're going to do."

"I see guys striking out 185 times. I could go up there without a bat and not strike out 185 times. I'm not kidding."

On his new rule regarding firing people: "You f*ck me once, I put you on probation. You f*ck me twice, I put you on death row. You f*ck me three times, I execute you. Execute you the way I fire you. No tears. There's no crying in baseball."

On his critics: "What matters is all those people, they'll be shining my shoes, OK? And they'll all come back wanting to suck my d*ck, which they will. Guess what I'll tell them? You have any idea? Yeah, go f*ck yourself."

On the "torture" that Mitch Williams put him through: "What do you mean? The guy hit barrel after barrel, dude. What do you mean, what did he put me through? He lost the World Series."

Awe. Some.

It's funny that Dykstra is loved in both New York and Philadelphia for being such a key figure on each town's pennant-winning teams. I wonder if Dykstra feels closer to New York since he won a World Series here, but he seems tight with both fan bases.

I'd love to see the Mets embrace Dykstra as a spokesperson, fitting given both parties' financial issues. I can see Lenny greeting fans in the rotunda, shrugging his shoulders with his pockets turned out, like the Monopoly man.

Dykstra also talks a bit about his good friend Sheen, and if there was ever a reality show that needs to be made it's one that follows these two guys around.

Duh, winning!